TLC confetti

TLC confetti

Almost two months ago, just one day after we’d gotten back from our yearly vacation at the beach, I had this silly accident at home (although, as a friend pointed out to me, “Is there such a thing as a smart accident?”), as a result of which, I badly injured my left knee.

Even if, fortunately, no surgery was needed, it’s been a slow, uncomfortable, sometimes painful recovery. Yesterday I finally had my first physical therapy session and today  I did a few stretches in the pool.

While I was soaking in the warm water, conscientiously  following the therapist’s instructions, paying close attention to the sensations and potential pain in my leg, I caught myself thinking: “Wouldn’t it be nice if I could always move through life like this; slowly, mindfully, lovingly meeting my whole self (body, mind, heart and soul) wherever it may be at; honoring it with the love, the patience, the care and the respect it deserves?"

TLC: Tender, loving care. I love this expression. Isn’t it what we all crave, no matter our age or our particular circumstances?

Even after the therapy session ended and I’d gone back home, I kept thinking about this.

Why is it that compassion, empathy and kindness are encouraged when directed at others, while at the same time considered negative and even dangerous when we dare to save a little for ourselves?

Why do we feel like we need to relentlessly push ourselves to be better, stronger, fitter, thinner, smarter, richer?

Why is it so hard to model self-care and self-love for the children in our lives?

Why is it a “sin”, even if it’s not openly labeled as such, to accept and embrace ourselves just as we are? Why is this often considered to be the ultimate “loser's” attitude? And what is this business of always having to be a winner?

Who stands to gain as a result of our harboring all these unexamined assumptions?

 This very special memory resurfaced for me  today: my son’s first bath at home, after we came back from the hospital. He was so tiny and we were just beginning to know each other. However, as soon as I carefully put him in the tepid water, his expression changed. It was as if I could instinctively read his little features: he was at ease in the tub, he was suddenly back in his element, in a warm, cozy, welcoming environment.

 Thinking about this today made me realize we are all wired to seek pleasure, comfort and protection. In this sense, love, care, tenderness, are as necessary to us as air is. Therefore, looking to be cared for is a natural behavior, as it is an attempt to  increase our chances of survival. So why should we be made to feel bad for trying to get our needs met as best we can?

 As a teacher, I consider it my job to create a safe and inviting atmosphere in class, so that my students will feel confident and brave enough to open up to new challenges and learning experiences, and even more importantly, to the possibility of making mistakes, knowing they will never be judged or made fun of.

And it is simply beautiful, and humbling, to witness the process of someone, whether it’s an adult or a child, slowly shedding their defenses and their wariness, blossoming like a delicate flower of rare beauty. It is not uncommon for  students to unexpectedly show a more personal side of themselves. Right in the middle of a lesson, they might start discussing their dreams, their problems, or they might simply laugh more and become funnier.

 Recently, a little girl, aged seven, told me about the time when her older sister got sick and how her parents’ attention seemed to be centered solely on her sibling. She said: “My parents were in the room, with her, and I just sat in a corner. I felt completely alone, like they’d abandoned me”.

I do try to have this same welcoming attitude  at all times. This might occasionally turn me into the target of uncalled for rudeness, or even aggression, but more often than not, it helps create a flow of empathy and communion,  between myself and the world around me. It really makes it possible for a magical dimension to overlap with the experience I would otherwise have of this world, as a bleak, depressing place.

I think we’d all pretty much agree that 2017 was a complicated year. Here in Mexico, on top of all the usual challenges we face as a nation year in year out, there was a terrible earthquake last September. Both my stepdad and a friend from church actually knew someone who died under the rubble. But even those of us who were totally spared are nonetheless left with many emotions and a certain  level of trauma to work though.

As New Year’s Eve celebrations approach, my heart goes out to everyone who lost a loved one due to the quake or to some other tragedy. What a sad season this will be for them.

I guess what I am trying to say is, as grounded as we might feel in our life as we know it, the truth is everything can change in the blink of an eye.
We can be so focused on strong-arming life into submission to our will  that we lose sight of an essential fact: we are here only for a short visit, so let’s make each day count.

 Enough with bullying ourselves and those around us about vain pursuits. Enough with the “you need to toughen up” approach. It’s love, tenderness, empathy and caring that build us up and help us weather the storms life often deals us.

Let’s lose our  agendas and just cherish each other and ourselves for who we are, shortcomings and all. Let’s give being open and kind a try.

 So, wouldn’t it be great to start off the new year by spreading a little TLC all around us, like confetti at a New Year's party?

With this in mind, I came up with a “note to self”  with 10 things I feel like working on in 2018:

1. ·        Too much work is not sustainable in the long run, strive to have balance.
2. ·        Bad days are normal and no big deal. Instead of worrying about the future, go with the flow and give your body whatever it may be needing, even if this means canceling work in order to spend a whole afternoon napping.
3. ·        Honor your essence. Make sure your routine includes things you enjoy, such as hobbies and little treats.
4. ·        Forgive yourself for making mistakes and/or bad decisions.
5. ·        Give yourself credit for always giving everything your best shot, even if things haven’t always turned out as planned.
6. ·        Remember that the life-sustaining force that has brought you and your loved ones this far will go on supporting you, forever.
7. ·        Groom yourself as carefully and lovingly as you can, as a way to honor your body and your essence.
8. ·        Find time each day to do your “wellness ritual” (meditation/prayer, a little exercise, reading your  favorite inspirational books, blogs and notes).
9. ·        Press “stop” on negative, anxiety-causing thought patterns. You deserve to go peacefully through life. 
10. ·        Dream away, but don’t forget to smell the roses along the way.

What about you? What would you include in your “note to self” for the New Year? Is being kinder to yourself something you feel you need to work on?

In 2018, may you learn new ways to treat yourself with love, patience, care, softness and compassion. It might feel weird at first but it’ll grow on you, if you’ll let it.

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or write to me at theiridescentapple@yahoo.com