Life's gifts

Life’s gifts

I had planned on this post being about meditation, but today was a strange day; I’ve really felt like writing but none of the ideas on my “future posts” list has tempted me.

Exactly a week ago, at this time, we were at Puerto Vallarta’s airport, waiting to board the plane that would fly us back to Mexico City, after a wonderful week at the beach.

On the plane, I was thinking about my classes, my to-do list, etc., but even before I could settle back into my routine and my  “normal life”, I took a bad fall on Monday afternoon and hurt my knee.

For a few days I believed I would get better just by taking it easy, but when I realized my knee was as swollen and tender as it was on the first day, I knew I had to go to the hospital.

My leg is currently wrapped in a bandage that, according to the physicians that treated me, is supposed to help decrease the swelling enough for an MRI to be done so that my treating doctor can determine whether surgery is needed or not.

Even though  these past few days I’ve worried about losing work and income because of my injury, as well as wondering just how long it will take the insurance company to reinburse all the money I’ve already spent on consultations and tests, there have also been many times when I’ve felt really calm and grateful, for the obvious reason that the accident could have been much worse, but also for many other things, one being that my job allows me to pay for insurance that grants me access to a good hospital.

This accident has reminded me, as did the most recent earthquake we experienced in many areas of Mexico, just how fragile our “normal life” is. As they say, things can change, sometimes forever, in the blink of an eye.

I think the curveballs life sometimes throws at us make us go into a different mode of perception and understanding,  simpler and clearer.

On one hand, I think they help us  appreciate more fully everything we so often take for granted in our lives, such as health, work, the people we love, their kindness and support. What would I do without my mom serving me meals in bed, or helping me cover my bandaged leg in plastic bags so I can shower, on top of everything she does in normal circumstances, like picking up my son from school and taking him to his afternoon clases? What would I do without my stepdad driving me to my medical appointments and patiently waiting, not getting upset when the doctor takes an hour to finally see me? And what can I say about my friends and students who have nothing but patience and words of encouragement for me?

I also believe hard times teach us, often quite forcefully,  to accept what life chooses to give us. Just yesterday, a difficult day by the way, I came across this text by Richard Rohr on Facebook that says that no matter what our calling or our way of understanding life may be, our standing has to come from saying a total “Yes” to life.

Needless to say it is a big challenge. But it’s our only shot at experiencing lasting peace, joy and gratitude. Truth is, sometimes not only do we fail to say “yes” to the “negative” things in our life, but we  say “no” to what we consider good as well. Being afraid of the good things coming to an end or being taken away from us, or thinking we don’t deserve the blessings in our lives are all ways in which we don’t say “yes” to the many gifts life presents us with every day.

I’ve been a student on this “saying yes to life course” for a long time. Sometimes I get an F, like I did yesterday and the day before, when physical discomfort and the inability to work had me really worried and discouraged, not only about my present situation but also about the future.

However, there are other times, in spite of my recurring not so functional thought and feeling patterns, when I do experience peace, joy and trust that the way things are unfolding is precisely how they should unfold and I understand that my basic task isn’t to get all worked up trying to find the fastest  way out of this “negative” situation that has disrupted the “right course of things”, but rather to stay open to whatever this situation allows me to experience, to everything that would not have manifested hadn’t things gone the way they did.

All I’ve achieved in this area, however little or much, I owe to reading authors such as Richard Rorh, but most of all, to the times in which I’ve allowed myself to leave this world behind (despite its appeal and distractions) to delve into the ocean within. The surface may be rough with waves of thoughts and emotions, but if I keep at it, the calm of the depths always prevails. Not once have these moments spent in silence failed to fill me with serenity, gratitude and trust.

I ask today that our  glimpses of deeper intuition and wisdom can come to us every day, in the most ordinary moments and not just during trying or unusual times. May our eyes and our whole being become more sensitive to everything that is there for us to experience, every minute, however life chooses to manifest. Let us spend less and less time imagining different and “better” scenarios and may we feel serenity and joy, even in the midst of anguish and discouragement. 

Find me on Instagram: manzana_iridiscente12

Or write to me at: theiridescentapple@yahoo.com

Pics credits:

Hand with pinecones: Annie Spratt at  Unsplash.

Present: Diette Henderson at Unsplash.