Is self-improvement enough?

Is self-improvement enough?

Ever since I was young I took advantage of psychotherapy to deal with complicated and painful issues that had been piling up since childhood. I had the great fortune of meeting, more than twenty years ago, this incredibly human, ethical and experienced therapist, who has been with me through every important moment in my life and who is also one of the people I love the most in this world. As a very dear friend of mine ( who happens to be a therapist too) says, even though to some people therapy might seem like a huge, absurd expense, if done properly, it can actually be a great investment  that will mean big savings in the future, and I don't speak  only in financial terms. 

Because of this early experience I had of a good psychotherapeutic process, I am a firm believer in "investing in oneself". I have a degree in Psychology myself and I often read about this topic, as well as anything related to self-improvement.  Just to mention one example, a little over a year ago, I read the famous book by Marie Kondo "The Magic of Tidying up" and I can honestly say  it helped me to make several changes, both behavioral and cognitive (such as ridding my home of superfluous stuff, valuing more the things I did keep, and needing to buy way less) that have undoubtedly had a very positive impact on my life.

From this point of view, I definitely think it's good to see so many people around me taking steps towards  making their life better. Some people sign up for yoga or crossfit classes. Others take coaching sessions or self-actualization courses. Many give their absolute best at work so that they can reach their goals, both professional and personal, while others dedicate a lot of time to the study and practice of a specific religion or life philosophy. And they all have a lot to say about the benefits they've reaped from these activities.

This is all very well. However, I have noticed that if we focus too much or solely on "being the best version of ourselves", we can miss out on much deeper and more meaningful things. While I was thinking of the content of this entry, I remembered something by Osho I read a long time ago. It went along the lines of "a golden ego is still an ego".  In other words, no matter how well rounded our personality may be, and no matter how successful and fulfilling we've managed to make our live, if we don't go further than that, our experience cannot help being limited. ¿But why? Because, as the  Mexican folk song goes, "even if the cage is golden, it is still a prison". As long as I identify with the person who looks at me from the mirror, my experience will be terribly restricted, whether I realize it or not. 

"Who am I then?", "What am I?", "Could there be more beyond this person, with their particular history, characteristics, conditioning, tastes, qualities and shortcomings?  ¿Should trying to make things go  as closely as I want them to go be my main goal in life? 

It's been my experience that it is worth exploring these kinds of questions since they can begin to show us a new path, a much wider path, where the joy, the peace and the freedom than can be felt, are not related to how closely our life adheres to common parameters of happiness, success and/or luck, which is  an other way of saying, they are not dependent on what happens or fails to happen to us.

When we have the full and overwhelming experience that who we are is not a person, but rather the "space" or the "light" (togive this mystery a name) in which this person and everything they go though manifest in ever changing ways, it becomes clear to us that  it doesn't really matter whether the story we are witnessing has more elements of happiness and success or of loss and sorrow.  This "space" or "light" is eternal and infinite love, joy and peace (again, to describe them in some way) and from that essence, it blesses and fills with grace everything that manifests in it. This space encompasses both what we consider "good" and what we see as "bad" and resignifies and redimensions it all. As a result, joys expand, and sorrows, even if they might not stop hurting, happen in a ocean of peace and consolation.

From the perspective of the infinite grace that is our essence, there is nothing to achieve, nor is there anything that has to be made better. When we truly know this in the depths of our heart,  the freedom that is revealed to us is indescribable.  There is no heaven  left to earn, no hell left to avoid. No virtues left to work towards, no shortcomings to eliminate.

I do believe, though, that it is still valid and interesting for us to work on the person we are, as well as striving to have the best life possible. However, I also think our horizon has to expand beyond this, so that one day we might realize not only that we've been inside a cage  (however beautiful it might look)  but also that we can step out of it anytime.

It frequently happens that as we begin to dive into the essential reality of our being, the "positive changes" we had been longing for begin to unfold, quite naturally and with no forcing needed, and "negative things" stop looking that way in our eyes. Only, this is seen as a side effect and no longer as our main goal.

Focusing on this subtle reality might seem less than exciting at first. There are no measurable goals or challenges to take on. There are no glamorous lifestyles to adopt, or exotic religions or precepts to follow. In this respect, our egos aren't given any attractive sweetmeats, which can make it hard for them to willingly  get on board. However, what we can discover is "bigger" and "better" than the wildest reward we can imagine. 

Credits swing picture: Jonathan Wards on Unsplash.

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